LOVE AND SWEETNESS
Dear Miss Fluffy: I had the price the other night, so I thought 1 would blow myself, and I took the red-headed girl out to supper. We went to a swell joint, believe me. The waiter was very attentive and everything was lovely except for that girl and her foolish fancies. She threw me down good and hard. What do you think she said? Said must be the guy what put the noise in the noodle soup. Can you beat it? And me loving that girl and trying to be good.
Well now, Blackie, yours is a pretty hard case, I should advise first that you go to a Chinese laundry and Abuy a second-hand napkin, to be going on with. Keep your mouth covered as much as you can. Then send in to Sir Hiram Maxim for one of the new patent gun silencers. Send mouth measurements so they can make it to fit,
Dear Miss Fluffy:
I am an old widower with a baldhead and awful lonesome. I want some of that love and sweetness in my life, too, so I advertised for a housekeeper with a view to matrimony. Oh, Miss Flunty, you ought to see the bunch of frights that turned up. And they are coming yet. They camp out on the back porch and all around the house, What can I do to get rid of them. It is heartrending and the neighbors complain. Besides, it sets all the dogs barking and the kids holler at me.
Yours in despair,
Join the Mormon Church and marry the bunch. I cannot figure out any other way to keep them quiet, You may be in hot water for awhile but look how easy the Turks take things.
Dear Miss Fluffy:
I am a messenger boy 14 years of age. I wear a blue coat with brass buttons just like a little cop. You know how a uniform takes amongst the girls. Well, I got them Boy Scouts skinned a mile. Say, the chickens are after me all the time.
Well, I fell in love with a Chicken what works in a Box Factory, and she loves me to the limit. The trouble is that I expect to be President of the Company before long, and then I shall want to marry one of them Society Janes. Please tell me the best way to shake that Chicken.
You naughty boy! You are too yong to think of such things. I have a good mind to send that letter to your mommer and have her give you a good spanking. But, let me tell you in confidence, kid, chickens should not be shook, they should be plucked.