Love and Sweetness


Dear Miss Fluffy:

I am a maiden fair, of somewhere betweent thirty and forty years. Amor a deeply religious temper ament and, of course, my heart is full of love. I joined the Holy Rollers. Now, I adore Ezra, the chief roller, and when he gets rolling, smile at him all the time. But to my great discouragement he keeps rolling the wrong way, always towards the corner where the pretty girls are. How can I get my Dear Ezra to roll in my direction?

Well, now, this is easy. First roll him up in something warm and tie a string around him and keep a tight hand on things. He will roll your way then.

Dear Miss Fluffy: I am a colored girl and I married a nigger who has got religion, take in washing for a living. He is such a fine nigger that I made him superintendent of the laundry. But he goes out fishing all day in a pond where there ain’t no fish. So that gives him that tired feelin”.

Course, he wants fish for supper, but I ain’t got none. Now, that makes ma housekeepin’ troublesome. Please tell me how to get that nigger fishin’ where there is some fish.


Now, Mandy, dear, let me tell you. We sent a hobo down to the Aquarium the other day and he caught a sucker. Send your nigger to headquarters and we will put him wise.

Dear Miss Fluffy:

I am a young lady, 19 years of age, with blue eyes and a delicate constitution. I fell in love with a chauteur who wore a mask with goggles over his race, But when he takes them of get cold silvers all down my back. What do you advise me to take for those shivers?


I should advise that you take a long rest and get your nerves strengthened, and then keep your eyes closed as much as possible.

Dear Miss Fluffy:

I come to you in the depth of my troubles. I believe there should be nothing in this world but love and sweetness. Now, I am a Mormon Elder of 50 years and I deeply admire and adore a Salvation Army Lassie. Now, every time I try to kiss that girl, she turns her head away, and says “Hallelujah.” And worse than that when I get discouraged and tell her that I shall go away and never see her again, she says “Praise the Lord.”

In all my long experience I never came across any such a trouble as this before, so in my despair I turn to you. Please give me the best advice you can.


Well, now, it seems rather difficult. I thought an old hand like you could give me cards and spades. Still you have cone to the right shop for advice. You should put on a uniform and join the Drum Corps. You know, as well as I do, that there are three ways to reach a woman’s heart-by force, by love and by strategy. You get into that uniform and drin department and use strategy, now you have found out that the love business don’t work. Let me know how you get on. It is a most interesting case.