LOVE AND SWEETNESS,
Dear Miss Fluffy:
I am a sweet widow, young and fair, and in love with a gentleman, who accompanies me. He is handsome and attractive and I am deeply struck, but Miss Fluffy, he is, Oh, so bashful.
The other day we were at the beach and went in swimming, and when we got out of the water and were sunning ourselves and there was nobody looking, I said, “You may now give me one kiss.”
But he said that was impossible, because he had his mouth full of sand. Now what would you do with a man like that?
CLARETTE.
Well, now, girlie, I think I would make him swallow some of that sand; he needs it in his constitution.
Dear Miss Fluffy:
I am a sweet, young thing, all blonde and pretty and I have many admirers, but just one favorite.
We went out for a walk last Sunday afternoon down a country road out in the county, when wo met a bull. My beau shinned over the fence and left me facing the bull. Luckily a young man came along on a motorcycle about 50 miles an hour. He wasn’t looking where he was going, and ran plumb into that bull. Now, that saved my life and he is sparking me, too, which one would you marry?
LILILLAN.
Now, dearie, you see there are complications. You do not say what kind of a bull it was. It might be one of those hayseed cops for all I can gather. If that was the case, you cannot blame your feller for climbing that fence. He night have very good reasons for dodging that cop. Of course, if it was one of them big red bulls that the Spaniards fight that would alter the ease. It would have been very brave of that motorcycle fellow if he was looking where he was going. My advice is that you shake them both and get a new one. A chap that shins fences to dodge bulls is hardly desirable, and a husband who cannot see where he is going cannot be trusted to take care of such a bunch of sweetness as you say you are.
Dear Miss Fluffy:
Chinee boy lovee all samee, chop-chop fine Mexican girl. Go to Sunday School like Chilistian. Coppee off pig tail. Dless like Melican. Want mally that girl vally much.
Tloble she bollow fliftee dollar and then she lun off in a lunabout with a jit dliver.
How I get my girl and dollars?
Left Lung
Straight, Lefty, this is a hard ease. I am afraid those dollars are gone to hell by this time, but keep om being a good boy and go to Sunday school and you might meet that girl in heaven.
Dear Miss Fluffy:
I vos Cherman and play music on a trombone in that Union Band. Efery night I go out to play. So I must practise my new pieces in the day-time.
Vell, my wife Lena, she fix me bad. She stand right in front of me and look me square in the face and suck lemons. That twist all up my mouth so I can’t blow. What you do about that?
AUGUSTINE.
Now, Augustine, just, consider a moment. Where could Lieber get all those lemons if you did not hand them to her? Give her fudge instead.